The Monsoon Season Read online

  I fell upon a sinking ground of fear,

  A spiral of despair, whose walls were sheer,

  And no matter how fast I ran

  The spiral would be faster as it span

  And for dear life I kept out the waters

  Which calls Death and Hate its daughters

  I'm clawing at the floor with my nails

  But no such forces exist that prevails

  I'm been drawn in, sucked into despair

  With each of my follies a weight I must wear

  The dark waters reach my head

  As my very soul begins to dread

  I'll struggle through it

  I'll crawl on my face

  Just to carry on

  Even with despair

  Just so I can live

  So I can find hope

  I will crawl and crawl

  Disgusting small worm

  That I truly am

  I don't want to drown

  So I'll bite onto life

  Dragging it down too

  When truthfully…

  I walked away from you

  On that hot summer's day

  When truthfully I wanted to stay

  And be with you forever

  I gave you a cold stare

  Didn't say a word when I left

  When truthfully all I ever wanted to say

  Was that I love you

  I didn't answer your calls

  Gave you the wrong times and location

  When truthfully I always watched you

  Worrying about you all day

  I told you to leave me alone

  That I didn't give a damn

  When truthfully I was in love

  Utterly, helplessly in love with you

  Smile + Tears = Rainbow

  I came upon a rainbow that lost its way

  It asked me to draw a map.

  Without knowing it I led it to my heart,

  Where the rain had kept pouring

  Through the love that once shone.

  There it shines for me

  And then I remembered

  How you smiled on that day

  That I had fallen for you

  And the tears you shed

  On the day I left

  The smile like the Sun

  And the tears like the rain

  Gave birth to this rainbow

  That had lost its way

  Melody

  The curtains are drawn

  From my eyes as I clearly see

  The band comes to play

  As my heart sinks, no, disappears

  And as I stand here

  A melody plays

  With each tear

  Hitting the ground

  Hitting notes on my heart

  Pulling the strings

  Of emotions locked up inside me

  As I stand

  I begin to unwind

  To the sweet melody of my tears

  To that beautiful song they play

  So tragic and so sad

  Yet shining like a bright star

  Sweet melody that was inside me

  Doesn't stop playing

  As my soul overflows

  Through my eyes

  Who knew that I cared so much for you

  And that only after you're gone

  This melody plays for you

  Never stopping

  Always playing

  Decisions and their consequences

  When a time comes to decide

  Be it illogical or suicide

  Fear steps aside

  Leaving oceans wide

  Courage becomes violent

  From the devil sent

  Blazing all hell bent

  With a soul as rent

  Hands grasp the light

  Struggling against the fight

  Holding on despite the fright

  Disappearing into the night

  I know it is so,

  Life is as such

  Despite love and kindness

  Cruel intensions lie ahead

  Correct mistake

  One, two, three, four

  Another mistake,

  That I pile up,

  I've made so many

  It's pointless to count

  Ten, eleven, twelve

  But the worst of them all

  Was falling in love with you

  The saddest was trying to love you

  The cruelest was having to leave you

  Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two,

  So many mistakes,

  Is the world really that bad for me?

  Thirty-three, thirty-four,

  And the funny thing is,

  I still love you

  That mistake that keeps on going

  Daisy ~ S.I. unit of love

  I fell in love

  With love's child bright

  That even I couldn't stand

  Being away from their side

  But my petty feelings

  Fluttered into the air

  You who is so loved by everyone

  What possible need for my love did you need?

  Such a petty thing my feelings

  Like a daisy in a bed of roses

  It hurt me that my feelings couldn't measure up

  For you are loved so much by everyone

  Why bring a biscuit to dinner party

  Why use a cocktail umbrella in the rain

  I've been measuring my feelings in centimeters

  While your heart was in kilometers

  Could it be that's why I never confessed?

  That a microbe of a feeling will never shine

  But even so, my feelings are true

  Resting in this tiny heart of mine

  But then under the TV light in a dark room

  You revealed in me for the first time

  That of all the roses growing in the flowerbed

  There was but one magnificent daisy shining bright

  You admired it more than the rest

  That someone special had planted it

  How silly of me, I now realise

  I now understand how special I was to you

  I understand now you can't measure love in centimeters

  You measure it in daisies

  The monsoon season

  I could feel it here

  The humidity dropping

  Something cold inside

  As rain begins to fall, I try my best

  To forget it all, memories undressed

  The monsoon pours down

  But my tears hide its torrent

  Dark clouds in my eyes

  I lost something precious so easily

  Like a drop of water into the sea

  Yet the flow of gloom

  Is so calming for my soul

  That is still crying

  I’ve learnt that no one can drown in their tears

  Pity, living on is part of my fears

  Thunder starts to boom

  A quick flash of hope or joy?

  The monsoon goes on

  I’ve shed enough tears, yet I continue?

  Give it back, I forward my detinue

  Ever since you left

  You took my joy from my life

  No, you were my joy

  And now that you’re gone, all I have is this

  A monsoon of tears as I reminisce

  Teardrop by teardrop

  I sink further down from you

  The monsoon season

  Where you forgot me

  I can squeeze my head

  For a thousand dreams but yet

  Only you are lost

  My heart is broken

  A broken lost time machine

  That no longer works

  As long as I know

  I've been meaning to say this

  'Please don't forget me'

  But the words are lost

  And myself falling so fast

  That I too am lostr />
  I only see you

  In my dreams and sadness

  Where you still know me

  And of the real world

  It is but sad misery

  Without you by me

  Like endless raining

  Or lost in the dark alone

  A pain that hurts deep

  Could it be that you

  Were my only happiness?

  I think it is true

  I say 'I love you'

  But it will never reach you

  Through the dark and rain

  Where you forgot me

  I've made a home and life there

  Remembering you

  Star seeker

  Every star is a lie

  They are long gone

  Dead and cold in the sky

  Their phantom very sly

  Their light a trick well done

  But still just a lie

  My heart was the same

  With feelings always double faced

  Songs without tune

  Who was to blame?

  The Love that Hate chased?

  Or a man on the moon?

  But you never listened

  Always carrying a star in your smile

  They called you star seeker

  What you were christened

  Always chasing the stars your style

  You made my sadness that weaker

  Star seeker, reaching out

  Grab a star without a doubt

  Just like love

  Just like love

  I have seen the sea many times

  But I never dared its waters

  Now I am so far away

  That the sea is but a word

  Just like you

  I have ran through the fields

  But I stopped running long ago

  You, the super sonic speed star

  How was I ever suppose to stay with you?

  Just like truth

  My heart beats for you

  My feelings were certain that day

  But not they're forgotten and lost

  I've never been so confused

  Just like light

  You filled my days and glowed my nights

  Gave me the joy of hope and life

  But I'll never see you again

  Driftwood in the void of space

  Just like reality

  I've learnt to live without you

  It's what I feared the most

  I'm so scared of my dreams

  It is just like me

  If

  What, what if my friend,

  I told you this was the end?

  Would it strike you to cry a tear

  Or would you be willing to hear

  And what if my pal

  Lies had become your rationale

  And what if you could restart

  Fix that broken heart

  What if you fail a goal

  Would you cease being whole?

  What if you loved a person

  And your relationship is worsen

  If is a abusive word

  An intrusive comment heard

  You never ask what if

  You mustn't ever ask yourself what if

  Lady on the bus

  I could paint a picture of her

  Though she was so plain looking

  And carried no fancy clothes

  She seemed so elegant

  And pure in carrying her soul

  She's smiling in her reflection

  But wears nothing but her burdens on her face

  Her eyes showed a deep longing

  A void that was under her skin

  Homesick or perhaps tired

  She couldn't feel the gravity of life

  Dressed in black; only her soul

  Her sin a subtle snow fall

  It was only then I knew

  I too was on the bus

  Consider me

  Consider me dead

  If you were to leave me

  Consider me damaged goods

  If you ever doubt me

  Consider me gone

  Should your lips meet another’s

  Consider me fed

  If you will not dine with me

  Consider me lost in a dark wood

  Should you ever forget me

  Consider me overdrawn

  On your love if you love me

  Consider me in your head

  When you lose your way

  Consider me as your heartwood

  Of your family tree

  Consider me as a song

  That will sing for you forever

  Consider me yours...

  Forgotten notes: A song of voids

  I've been listening to a sweet tune

  For so long it became stuck in my head

  Only realising I forgotten it too soon

  When I was left in the silence dead

  I cannot remember its sweet tones

  Of its low and high cascades

  Now I am frighten to my very bones

  In the silence passing decades

  I know not what I forgotten then

  But only know I am filled with a gaping hole

  Waiting forever, not knowing when

  I can return again to being one whole, one soul

  Forgotten memories written on a sheet music

  How bittersweet it sounds as time goes by

  Forgotten notes: A song of voids

  Playing silently for you and I

  I have yet to find

  I have found food that has satisfied my stomach

  I have found literature that satisfies my mind

  But I have yet to find and embrace an ache

  That makes my body to pain bind

  I have yet to found a love that satisfies my heart

  An experience that fills my soul and makes me alive

  Yet to find something to fill this hole from the start

  A forgotten dream I may still revive

  Happiness had been hidden away

  So that just no one could have it

  If you could search for it and not sway

  Then happiness's embrace you may submit

  Too tired I've become, I will rest today

  Hoping for an embrace tomorrow

  A love that will always stay

  And again your courage borrow

  I have yet to find my end

  A place to stop and rest

  These words yet to send

  That I loved you best

  Forgotten but not gone

  Missing inside the sofa of your conscience

  Forgotten but not gone

  Trying to understand your science

  To bring about remembrance's dawn

  Crying as you go happily along

  With the rest of your life forgetting

  Pleading to hear again just once your song

  But there will never be the right setting

  Please remember, recall your feelings now

  To keep them alive, yet on the tip of existence

  You did not need us, never made a vow

  But please remember us, close this distance

  I’d like to love again

  I'd like to love again

  I'd like to love myself again

  Instead of pleading with myself

  To end it all for today

  I'd like to love again

  I'd like to love my life again

  Rather than dread each waking day

  Scared and cold with dismay

  I'd like to love again

  I'd like to love you again

  But the pain and scars are still there

  So I know all too clearly

  ...

  It would be a long time

  Before I could love again

  What I called love

  Today my love had shattered

  My heart got yet another chip

  What I called love

  Was
really just sorrow

  She had forgotten me


  Before I even confessed


  What I called Love


  Was really just fear

  Now I sit quietly in the dark


  Even colder than before


  What I called love


  Was really just dependence

  Bitterly I throw my dreams away


  Realizing how small they are


  What I called love


  Was really just jealousy

  But in a panic I cry


  Picking them up to hug


  What I called love


  Was really just reassurance

  Unable to give them up

  Unable to make them real

  What I called love


  Was really just nothing at all

  All you’ve ever done

  All you've ever done

  Is blame someone else

  For your sins and problems

  All you've ever done

  Is wait for a hero

  When someone needs you

  All you've ever done

  Is love your shadow

  Giving out cold shoulders

  All you've ever done

  Is cry about your pain

  While blind to others' woe

  All you've ever done

  All you've ever done

  I'm sorry for what I have done...

  What I’ve stepped on to get here

  It took five years for me to realize you loved me

  And by that time you had left me for someone else

  Then, I had blamed you for breaking my heart

  But now I’ve come to realize your feelings

  Waiting and waiting for me to blossom

  Only for a long Winter followed by Autumn

  I was just a shy foolish boy- I still am

  Still I blame you for the glass pieces in my chest

  But now I know how selfish I truly am